Note re: Matthew 20

...learn to be the servant of all...

On a personal note, my marriage has an albatross in it and each time the monster raises its head I want to do anything but serve. I want to fight and have my way. I want my side heard and understood and I want my husband to agree with me, kick back and do it my way. I don't want to serve when I feel it is wrongly deserved and completely unjust. My husband doesn't see my point of view or agree with my opinion and is asking me to step up to the plate anyway. I find it next to impossible. I am fighting against myself to put myself last...but Christ has so plainly told me to do so. So after this awful fight tonight..I will relent to the albatross and put myself last. I will shut my mouth. I just wish I was doing this with a better heart...but I am doing it for Christ.

I can be an ugly person. The person I don't think I am can, and does, show up and remind me of my complete and total need for Christ and His forgiveness and direction. My actions today are a reminder to me how completely impossible it is to find favor with God apart from Christ. I was told tonight not to continue my blog, that I am not a good enough Christian to do this blog - but that's the point. I am not a good enough Christian so I need to go to the Word and I need Him. I don't claim to be anything but a sinner saved by grace.